"Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument." (Page 19 of the Big Book)
Before we begin, are there any sobriety threatening issues of which we may help you with? Yes, the Big Book is sexist. Learning about alcoholics as "male" can be detrimental to women. It contributes to feelings of self-pity, low self-esteem, self-loathing, resenment and anger: These are 5 major reasons an alcoholic drinks over.
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness." (pg.66)
Early on, we become familiar with the structure of the meetings and are told the first 164 pages of the Big Book will save our lives. Its an incredible offer, considring we have hit rock bottom and are beaten down to a shell of our former selves. Asking women to accept sexism as a part of their recovery impedes their chances of healing completely. Here, I thought alcoholism was important enough to consider the needs of both men and women. How foolish of me.
Even hospitals, rehabs and courts do not seem concerned with a book that ignores females, the unmarried, and anyone in between. Are we not all sick people deserving the same standard of care for our disease? Instead, the Big Book remains largely unchanged since 1939, where the alcoholic was assumed to be a married man with children. A woman who continues to drink but tries again to read the Big Book is like a woman taking a hammer to her head to get rid of a headache. "If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk." (pg. 23)
Feeling apart from men who have less trouble reading paragraphs about men, a woman will find a cause for contention. Is the Big Book objectionable, harmful, and biased? Yes, it is. Does it also contain important truths about alcoholism? Yes, but it cannot share its message well if the words are sexist. Newly sober alcoholics have enough on their plate: financial difficulties, anxiety, withdrawals, probation, family problems, and broken friendships. Women may also have survived sexual assaults or violence, which add to her diminished sense of self and lack of empowerment. Telling her she must learn about alcoholism as it affects men is addding insult to injury.
Depression sucks and can lead to relapse. "...As we morbidly pursue this meloncholy activity, we may sink to such a point of despair that nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution...it is the very process by which the depressive has so often been led to the bottle and extinction." (pg. 45) It is abhorable for the Big Book to contribute to feelings of self-loathing, but for many it is unavoidable as a part of recovery.
So what about doing the Next Right Thing?
Let's recognize how women are "instructed to read" the Big Book. Flip the words around. Ignore them. Get over it. Let go. Women are told, "What do you think, you're unique? You're different?" As far as I know, women make up roughly 1/3 to 1/2 of AA membership. Unique?! Women are more than half of the human population. Their alcoholism matters! If the book causes distress or resentment, why ask a woman to answer, "What is your part in it?" A.) She didn't write the book. B.) Whatever happened to the responsibility of the program to help all alcoholics?
"Everytime a person imposes his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappiness follows." (pg 44)
Seriously, the book is frustrating to read, a woman has to put up with enough sexism in the world but to put up with in it in a program for alcoholism is insane and wrong. What about Step 10? "...When we were wrong promptly admitted it." AA needs to promptly admit their book creates an unequal standard of care between women and men alcoholics. What is the next right thing?
Further reading: The chapter "There Is A Solution" from the Big Book, fourth edition, pages 20 through 25. This chapter describes the "male" alcoholic and "his" traits. It is one of many examples of what women in AA have read and have had to accept as a condition of their recovery program for alcoholism. And this is a shame.
